She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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