New low: just hacked my moms facebook
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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