So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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