Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
