My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
