member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
