at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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