I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
