There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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