i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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