u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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