U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
accomplished twins. life is a go
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize