I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
