he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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