Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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