Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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