cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
