I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
