Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I CAN MOONWALK!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
