What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
