I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
