I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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