the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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