I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just found puke in my bra..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
