He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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