erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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