I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize