You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
