You're my little dorito
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
