Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
