Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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