He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
