the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize