he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
