I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
