I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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