I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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