like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize