It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
