There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
