What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
