So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
