it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
