i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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