Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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