Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
