South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
