We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you would pick up someone in the library
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
