What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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