You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
