I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
