i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
