Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
