How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize