I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize