I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
