After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize