So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
