So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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