he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
