Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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