Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
