Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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