Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
