my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
