i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
