ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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